A Routine Shall Set You Free
A few days ago, Aymee at My Rad Kid posted an article titled “The Power of a Routine”. While Aymee’s discussion is focused toward helping parents with kids who have Reactive Attachment Disorder , the article is helpful to any parent, and for that matter, any human being.
Like Aymee, I tend to avoid structure and routine. I want to be free, free, free to do what I want, any old time. 
This is truly the root of most of the things I have struggled with in the past (weight, bad credit , you get the picture…)
All of my adult life I have struggled with keeping my house consistently clean and running smoothly. I have 2 small (and 1 not so small) children at home, a husband who is very busy with multiple jobs and school, and a job of my own (besides my obvious mom/wife jobs). The usual pattern that I have fallen into over the years is:
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Cleaning everything to sparkling perfection
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Getting busy and overwhelmed, putting the house on the backburner, avoiding the things that need to be done on a daily basis to maintain order
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The messier the house gets, the harder it is to muster up the energy to clean
- I feel lethargic and frustrated anytime I am home
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The house becomes so chaotic and messy after awhile that I can’t take it anymore
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I realize I can’t live like this
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Here comes the blast of energy to clean again, and the cycle starts over.
A wise woman (my mom) has told me time and time again to “make it a habit to wash your dishes, make your bed, and pick up clutter everyday”. With this advice she promised me I would feel better in my home, even if it wasn’t perfectly clean (she tells me this is what her mother taught her, too). I tend to forget this advice due to the screaming in my head telling me that everything needs to be done to perfection, or it’s not worth doing.
I recently realized the following things;
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Perfection is impossible, including when it comes to having a clean house. At least until I can hire a full time maid who will follow each family member around and promptly clean up our messes.
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My “all or nothing” approach to housecleaning meant I was spending way too much time when I finally did get to the “all” part. It would take a whole day or two just to get my house back in working order after ignoring the basics for awhile. The longer I put off the task, the more I dreaded and avoided it, and the more frustrated I would get. Pretty overwhelming.
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Demanding a perfectly clean house causes me to lose focus on the things that really matter… I get tunnel vision and feel like I need to clean anytime I am home.
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A “perfectly” clean house is not much fun for kids to live in, nor is a mom very much fun who only worries about keeping it clean.
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On the other hand, it is important to my sanity to live in a home that is tidy and maintained. I become very irritable when the house starts to fall apart. And when momma ain’t happy… well, you know the rest.
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“All of the above” applies to other parts of my life that I am seeking to improve. (Isn’t it amazing how we often carry the same behavior patterns throughout many of our life experiences? More on this later).
Over the past few weeks I decided to try something new. Something that would help me maintain the house on a daily basis, vs going through my crazy cycle. My plan also had to help me to cope with messes that did arise during the day, and take them in stride.
My first idea was to hire that full time live in maid I mentioned earlier. Then I decided that would not only be expensive, but also a little uncomfortable and annoying.
So my second thought was to come up with a routine (remember, the thing I try to avoid?) that would work for me . And I found my perfect solution! Here is what I have been doing for the past 3 weeks:
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Every evening I clean my kitchen (complete with sweeping and mopping), pick up and put away clutter, and vacuum the living area. My kids pick up their books and toys while I am doing this.
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I have antibacterial wipes in the bathrooms to clean up messes as they happen.
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I fold and put away laundry the same day it comes out of the dryer to keep it from turning into that mountain where all our clothes disappear into a wrinkled mess.
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Every Friday I set aside approximately 2-3 hours to deep clean bathrooms, spot clean carpet, dust, and do the majority of the laundry. If the fridge needs to be cleaned (or similar tasks) this is the time to do it.
What a difference my small routines are making in my life! For example:
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It is pleasant and invigorating to wake up to a clean house. My mind feels calm and organized. The morning rush feels much less rushed. There is nothing worse than waking up to deal with yesterdays crusty dirty dishes (OK, maybe some things are worse, but it’s still not pleasant).
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As the day progresses, I am able to tolerate the messes that come along, because I know before bedtime they will be cleaned up.
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Instead of spending an entire day cleaning, I am only using 30 minutes every night and 2-3 hours on Fridays.
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Anyone can stop by anytime, and I don’t have to be embarassed about the condition of my house.
Remember how I mentioned at the beginning of this post that I do not like structure and routine because they are too restricting? “Cause I’m free to do what I want, any old time?”
Guess what? My cleaning routine is not restricting me at all. Rather, I am more free while living within a routine. More free to enjoy my life, without obsessing over the status of my house.
Following effective routines can give you more freedom in any area of your life. How could implementing a routine give you more freedom?
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September 20th, 2007 at 6:46 am
Brooke, this reads like you’re using cleaning as a time of meditation. Would you say this is true?
BTW, the FlyLady counsels a very similar type of routine. I think she recommends 15 minutes every evening to pick up clutter.
September 20th, 2007 at 8:03 am
The whole idea of cleaning being a time of meditation is interesting in light of the of the the fact that this is a cycle that, as I mentioned, has always been true in other parts of my life too. It is important to stay balanced and connected to myself for even a small amount of time everyday to avoid having my life fall into chaos.
Yes Flylady does counsel doing something similar on her site. It’s been awhile since I visited it, I will have to go there to find what other advice she has (as I remember, the site is chock full of great ideas on keeping a balanced life, starting at home).
Thanks Maria.
September 20th, 2007 at 8:09 am
Perfection is impossible? Since when? Well I guess if I felt “lethargic and frustrated anytime I was home” I would go crazy as well.
How do you do it?
I agree entirely that routine will not only not kill you…. but it might just be good for you, especially if you if you feel “lethargic”.
September 20th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Thanks food inspector. As always, your comments are appreciated.
September 20th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
That whole post reflected my own feelings so perfectly… hmm we must be related or something. Except that I’d much rather get up at 6 in the morning and tackle the house (I’m pretty much useless after about 8 at night) Thanks for the great ideas!
September 23rd, 2007 at 10:06 am
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September 25th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Interesting post and ideas. I also noticed that once the things are nice and tidy, it’s easier to maintain them without getting overstressed about them and spending too much time to keep them that way.
Recently we put our home on the market, and we’ve been having one open house after another (clients, agents). It took us a week to de-clutter, clean the space and spruce it up, but now it’s easier to maintain it that way, and it feels good to live in a clean place.. Now, if we only didn’t have those open houses to get the place spotless (I personally, could live with a few spots)
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October 1st, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Inspirationbit:
Hopefully you won’t have to go through too many of them before getting the house sold.
Good luck with selling your home! Those open houses will definitely be motivation for you to stay on top of the housework!
Brooke
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Check out this website. It talks all about the habits formed to keep us out of CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome!)
flylady.com
It’s wonderful, all about Finally Loving Yourself (FLY)
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